An Adoption Story

A dear friend of mine recently had surgery and was unable to share a special celebration with her daughter, one they have celebrated together every year for the last ten years. So in lieu of going out to commemorate a special occasion, she wrote this and shared it with me. I don't mind telling you I was deeply touched. I asked her if I could post it on my blog, and she said yes. I hope you like it, too. My friend's name is Robin Cross, and Robin writes:

So everyone always asks me... "How did you end up adopting Sara?", and every time I tell the story I cry. Even ten years later, my eyes are watering even now just thinking about it.

I was divorced, teaching special education, coaching volleyball, volunteering at the boys and girls club, had just finished my masters degree, was singing in the church choir, teaching Sunday school, ... good grief, I was doing anything I could to stay busy! I had decided that because I'd been divorced twice and was childless that there probably wasn't any hope of my ever having any children. I was 37, there were no romantic prospects in the picture, and I wasn't getting any younger or any less single.

Through my work in special education, I befriended a "case worker" for foster children who was assigned to more than one child in my classroom over a couple of years' time. I began talking to her about how much I wanted a child, and how unlikely it was that any agency would grant me that wish since I was single. She said that if I was serious, she'd bring me the papers to get started. I was shocked!! But, I jumped at the chance.

Nicole brought me a HUGE stack of documents to fill out that asked pretty much everything about me except how many times a day I went to the bathroom. I filled them out in record time and turned them back in. Since I had recently completed a master's degree in counseling, I was waivered for most of the foster parenting classes that were required. She took the papers from me the first week of February, and told me to do whatever I needed to to get my house ready for a little girl. She said the process was long and arduous, so I'd have at least acouple of months.

I had this "junk room", the only other bedroom in the house, that was filled to the ceiling with stuff I couldn't find a place for. I wanted to tackle it, but I had time so I didn't. Three weeks later, I got the call from Nicole that she had a little girl for me to meet! Oh My Goodness!!! How could that be? Two months had NOT passed yet!! So much to do!! Oh MY GOODNESS!!! The call came on Wednesday, and the child would come to spend the weekend with me. I was at work, so I basically had two days!!

I took off the rest of the day and the following two days, went straight to knoxville to find the perfect bedroom furniture fit for a little girl but that could grow with her as a teen, which I did, and miraculously they said they could deliver it Friday morning!! WOW!! Never in a million years would that ever happen again! I then rushed home and began emptying the "junkroom". For the next day and a half, which is still a blur, I peeled very old wallpaper off, painted the bedroom a pretty pastel pink with white trim for the woodwork, waxed the hardwood floor, and bought bedding and perfect lacy white curtains. I was so excited... and NERVOUS!!!

The furniture arrived just in time to get the room set up completely before I brought her home. I was to pick her up from a birthday party at a church. As I drove to the church to meet this prospect for a daughter, my heart nearly pounded right out of my chest!

Now, there were some ground rules. I was not under ANY circumstances to mention adoption to her or that I wanted a little girl at all. As far as she knew, I was a respite worker, a person who gives foster families a weekend "respite" from their foster child so that their biological family can reconnect. I would stick to the plan, but boy would it ever be difficult!! Also, my family thought I had lost my mind! They were concerned for me, because you know... you never know what you're gonna get! I love you all, Mom, Dad, Robert, Tessa... and I truly did appreciate your concern! I know now that not a one of you would trade Sara for the world. She is most definitely one of US. Ok... there are the tears again.

So I arrived at the church, took a few deep breaths, prayed a very heartfelt plea to God to please let this child be THE ONE, and went in. I walked into a fellowship hall full of giggly 9 and 10 year old girls who were running, dancing, singing, playing basketball, and eating. There were some adults there who I knew, thank goodness. The mother of the child who the party was for asked me if I was ready, and of course I said YES! She brought this very bouncy wild-looking little thing over to me, and introduced me as the "respite worker" to Marlena (that was her name before adoption). SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL!! And VERY active!! She immediately handed me a brush and some hairbows and asked if I'd fix her hair for her. Are you kidding????? I couldn't wait to fix her hair!! So I did, and she said, "Thank you! I'm going to go play now!" And that was it. I didn't know how to feel or what to think. Was she just being polite? Did she truly trust a stranger to do such a personal thing for her? Did someone suggest to her that she handle the introduction this way? The rest of the party went by in a blur.... I remember very little. Soon, it was time to go home.

Marlena and I got into my car and headed to the house. She asked a gazillion questions. Do you like kids? Do you like boys or girls best? Are you a NEW respite worker? What's your favorite movie? Who's your favorite singer? Am I talking too much? People tell me I talk too much. I like Titanic and Celine Dion and Shania Twain. Do you know any of their songs? What do you mean, you've never seen Titanic??? Can we watch it tonight? You'll love it! I know the song for Titanic! Want me to sing it for you? Ok.... and she did... loudly... and badly! But I loved every minute of it!!

As we were driving home, it occurred to me that in the overwhelming rush of getting THE ROOM ready and making sure my house was nice and clean; that I had forgotten about FOOD. So, I told her we would stop at the grocery store to buy things that she liked to eat since I had no idea. Whew! What a save! I had made her feel special instead of making her feel like I had forgotten! Very quickly I realized that she would have me buy EVERYTHING in the store if I could!! She wasn't picky at all! So, I let her make some choices and I made the rest. We rented Titanic, which we never got to watch (thank goodness... really not appropriate for a nine year old)!

We got home, I gave her the tour of the house, and introduced her to my two dogs. The dogs loved her, of course! Soon we were on the couch in the den, eating a snack and attempting to watch Titanic. There was so much to talk about, though! At least, it appeared there was. She talked non-stop! I have no idea what we talked about that night, but it didn't matter. She seemed perfectly comfortable with me. THAT was all that mattered to me! She went to bed, and I read her a story. We said a prayer together, and then I was alone with my thoughts. I was so excited that there was no way I could sleep! This was better than any magical Christmas morning I'd ever had in my life! Better than any accomplishment or adventure or ANYTHING so far in my life! I couldn't wait until morning.

I got up early. Very early. It was all I could do to wait until an appropriate time to start cooking our big country style breakfast that we had planned out the night before. I was making it all. The works! As I was standing at the stove, humming softly along with the radio, these teeny little arms came sneaking around my waist from behind and hugged me hard. I turned around, and there was that beautiful brown eyed little face, with hair all tousled, looking up at me with a HUGE smile. She said good morning, and then she said something else. She said, "I want you to be my mommy." She said it very matter of factly, not playfully, not whiney, just as if she would have said that the sun was up or the house felt warm. My voice caught in my throat, and I had to blink back tears. I WANTED to be her mommy! But I was not allowed to say so!! So, I stooped down to her level, and said that I really was enjoying her company and that she could come visit with me any time her foster family needed a respite weekend. Those words felt so cruel coming out of my mouth, but I didn't know what else to say! Then, she said,

"I don't want you for a respite mommy. I want you to be my mommy FOREVER." Oh. My. Goodness. How do you keep your heart from exploding under these conditions????? Excuse me while I wipe away more tears.

So, on Friday, February 26th, 1999 I met my future daughter. I'll never forget it. I don't think she will either. The rest of the weekend was wonderful. The weather was cooperative, and we were able to go play in the park, and play outside with the dogs. It went by SO quickly though! On Sunday, when Nicole (the case worker) came to pick her up, she hid in my office under my desk. She did NOT want to leave. I loved it! But at the same time, I felt bad because she was misbehaving because of me. Nicole finally coaxed her out by promising to bring her back very soon. We hugged hard and long, and my little girl left. I cried, I laughed, I prayed and thanked God, I called my family to tell them that I had found THE ONE, and then I cried some more. I was completely swept off my feet by this amazing little ball of energy!

A few hours later, Nicole called me to tell me about the trip home with Marlena. She asked me how I felt about her. How did I feel??? I was elated! I couldn't wait to buy her toys! And clothes! And take her to school! And introduce her to all my family!! There was no way to describe how I felt about her! So after I stopped blathering on, Nicole said this: "Would you like to know what she thinks about you?" Oh, my heart dropped down to my toes! "She told me that you are the person that God had picked to be her mommy forever." Of course, then I was crying. Those of you who know me well know what a crier I am. I was bawling! So was Nicole.

Sara moved in with me the following Friday, March 4th, 1999. Our adoption was final on December 20th, 1999. We fondly recall that we were each others' Christmas gifts that year. She's twenty now, and I can't believe that ten years have gone by so quickly! She's beautiful, smart, an amazing singer, and has a gift for working with children. I am SO proud to be her mommy forever!

Sara, you are still the BEST Christmas present I ever got! In honor of being your mommy for ten years, since we can't go out anywhere today, I'm publishing this story to facebook to tell the world how amazing you are! I love you babygirl!

The Power of Writing

Writers have made a huge difference in the history of the world. Just think of all the social changes that were influenced by information - and propaganda - that reached the people who fought for social change or had the power to change laws.

And we can, and are, making a difference, too.

It's obvious that nonfiction books and articles often provide useful information just when the readers need it, but even fiction can make a difference. Sometimes providing escape and respite from stress helps people relax and regain strength to deal with their problems. Fiction can also suggest ways to deal with problems.

When I was a kid I was a skinny, asthmatic, coward, constantly teased by the class bullies and usually living in fear. About ten years ago I went to a school reunion and was amazed that people remembered me as brave. I remembered several times when I'd stood up for what was right even though doing so could have gotten me into trouble, and realized I'd done so because in all the books I'd read the protagonists acted like that. I guess I assumed that was the only alternative. Those books changed me and perhaps the way I acted as a result made other changes.

What are some ways your writing can make a difference?

Early American Poetry "Beauty in Words" - A Review

Title: Early American Poetry “Beauty in Words”
Author: Stephanie Buckwalter
Publisher: Enslow Publishers, Inc.
ISBN: 13: 978-0-7660-3277-4
ISBN: 10: 0-7660-3277-9

Early American Poetry “Beauty in Words” explores poetry in America from colonial days to the end of the nineteenth century. It is a wonderful stepping stone for children to journey into the world of verse. Illustrations and pictures of the authors lend an air of informality to the book while the poems, facts, information, and descriptions enlighten the child to poets such as Anne Bradstreet, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Edgar Allan Poe, Emily Dickenson, and Walt Whitman, to name a few.

In a complete package, Buckwalter includes the elements of poetry, such as stanzas and poetic meter. She also includes explanations of words and terminology featured in the poems and time period of the poems. Along with this, there are very interesting, yet brief, biographies of the poets, including details of their writings, bringing to light the hows and whys of the poems. In addition, Buckwalter sheds light on romanticism, reality, and poetic license and technique. This detailed analysis is provided in easy to read content.

As an added feature, at the end of each poets section, Buckwalter provides further reading resources. This is a valuable tool for the child who is sparked by a particular poet and wants to learn more.

I fondly remember as a youth reading a couple of the poems Buckwalter included in Early American Poetry “Beauty in Words.” Without this type of children’s book, our youth would miss out on learning about a beautiful form of writing and a certain perspective of the world around us.

In the introduction, Buckwalter explains: “Poets often see the world differently from most people. Some can see things hidden in the mundane; others scale lofty heights of philosophy. They all take words that capture ideas, feelings, and truth, and arrange them in ways that illuminate those realities.” I love this explanation; it’s simple, yet profound.

I highly recommend this book for children with the grade levels recommended.

Reviewed by Karen Cioffi, award-winning children's author and ghostwriter
http://karencioffiwritingforchildren.com

Connect with Karen at:

Twitter: http://twitter.com/KarenCV
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/writingforchildrenwithkarencioffi/
GoolgePlus: https://plus.google.com/+KarenCioffiVentrice/about
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/KarenCioffi/
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karencioffiventrice

New Year's Resolution

The Christmas lights are hung, presents under the tree, fireplace is lit...

What a grand setting. Peaceful. Joyous. Serene.

Then you remember an upcoming New Year's resolution will mark a fresh beginning. But WHAT!!! What will that resolution be?




Hold on...let's see:

1- To keep the house clean

2- To never buy frozen meals again

3- To be up-to-date with the laundry and never EVER lose another of hubby's socks or underwear

4- To let the kids clean up their own rooms

5- To be kinder when friends and family call

6- To help my kids with anything they want, like mind their three dogs more often

7- To avoid saying no right away when a friend asks to go shopping

8- To tell the truth to mom when she asks if I cleaned the house today

So many choices...then again...


1- The house will get dirty the next day

2- Frozen meals have helped save the day

3- Wearing odd pair of socks is not a bad thing as long as you keep your ankles well-hidden

4- I'll shut the kids doors...who's gonna know how dirty their rooms are?

5- My family and friends can call me after supper

6- I raised my family

7- I hate shopping so unsure why I would vow to go shopping in the first place

8- What's the point of telling mom the truth about the house. I'll keep on lying.

There, that helps. I'll stick with my usual New Year's resolution:

To do my best in anything that I do!

Safe for another year.

Lea Schizas

10 Marketing Excuses That Can Kill Your Book and Career

By Carolyn Howard-Johnson

Here are excuses many authors use not to promote, killers all. Each includes advice that will help a writer salvage his book and career from wrong thinking.

 "My book is doing well enough. My career is on an upturn. I can easily take a year off from promoting to write."
Advice: Cut back if you must but slot in some time to keep the efforts you've already made at least at a simmer.

 "I hear everyone is cutting back on promotion so why shouldn't I?"
Advice: Didn't your mother ever ask you, "If Johnny jumped off a cliff, would you do it, too?" Look at those authors. If they're selling lots of books, it's because somebody (their publisher, bookstores, their publicists) is promoting them. I'll bet, though, that most of the authors saying this aren't selling very many. Look at your situation. If you don't do it, who will do it for you?

 "I like Carolyn's Frugal Book Promoter (www.budurl.com/FrugalBkPromo) idea so I'm going to only do things that cost no money at all."
Advice: Hey! Frugal is one thing. Cheap is another. Some of the best things you can do cost some money. An example is American Booksellers Association Advance Access program. Find it at www.bookweb.org. Careful though. Always weigh the "rightness" of any program for your particular book.

 "I'm gong to examine everything I'm doing and only continue what I can prove is working."
Advice: You may not be able to prove much, if anything. That's not the way marketing works. Judge how well your entire campaign is going only after you have given it plenty of time to work. If one thing is working well, maybe it is because your title or name is being seen elsewhere. Balance your campaign, yes. Try new things, yes. Cut back on a few only if you must. Keep in mind that book sales are not necessarily the most valid way to evaluate your promotion.

 "Nothing I've tried works. I'm giving up."
Advice. You may be on the brink. Or maybe you've been giving up on each aspect of your campaign too early. Any marketing plan must be many-pronged, frequent and long-term.

 "If I cut back on promotion and find my sales slipping, I can always gear up again."
Advice: Yikes! Good publicity and promotion build. It's like skipping rocks on a pond. With each stone, ripples wave out, out, out. Eventually, after you've skipped lots and lots of stones, the results start coming back to you in waves. If you stop whipping those stones into the water, the results dissipate. It will take a long time to get enough stones dancing across the water again to match what you've done and, once you lose momentum, you may never get it back.
------
Carolyn Howard-Johnson is the author of The Frugal Book Promoter: How to Do What Your Publisher Won't, (www.budurl.com/FrugalBkPromo), The Frugal Editor: Put Your Best Book Forward to Avoid Humiliation and Ensure Success (www.budurl.com/TheFrugalEditor) and an Amazon Short, "The Great First Impression Book Proposal: Everything You Need To Know To Sell Your Book in 20 Minutes or Less."  Follow her writing tips on Twitter @FrugalBookPromo.

Arlee Bird and The Desert Place

A bit about Arlee Bird

Having been born into a show-biz oriented family, Arlee has traveled a fair amount throughout North America and has had a number of unique experiences. He was born in Cleveland, Ohio, but throughout his childhood years his family moved to Pittsburgh, PA; San Diego, CA; Crown Point, IN; and Maryville, TN. Though his father held a regular day job, he was always in pursuit of the “big break” for the family juggling act. We worked fairs, circuses, night clubs, and corporate events, meeting celebrities and continually being around an interesting array of characters who worked in the entertainment industry.

In the early seventies, Arlee attended the University of Tennessee in Knoxville, starting with a major in Psychology, but switching to English after the first year. After several years of meandering course taking, his college career ended when he joined a touring magic stage show in 1975. For the next nearly two decades he was involved in a number of entertainment jobs, with the longest running engagement acting as manager of a touring theatrical production.

In the 1990’s Arlee settled down in the Los Angeles area with his three children so they could enroll in school and they could all lead more normal lives. For eighteen years he managed the west coast branch of a wholesale costume distribution company until the office shut down in early 2009. That’s when Arlee decided to take up writing as a career.

Arlee has been interested in writing since the third grade. Throughout his life he has written stories, poetry, and essays and collected ideas for book topics. His few attempts at submitting his works to national publications during college were met with rejection, although he did have articles published in newspapers and specialty magazines.

In mid-September of 2009 he started his blog, which is his current writing focus.

He has recently completed his first novel, A DESERT PLACE, as his entry in the National Novel Writing Month challenge. In the immediate future Arlee will be polishing up this novel and shopping it around for publication. Also, he will be adding some additional material to a manuscript that his late father left him called AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A NOBODY. This is a personal project that he plans to make available to relatives and other interested parties.

A bit about the novel:

A DESERT PLACE:

A novel which tells the story of a modern day Jonah who in trying to run away from God’s calling instead finds himself swallowed by an underworld organization of drug dealers and car thieves. In his attempt to escape the clutches of this evil monster, Joe Bloom realizes the catastrophic consequences of doing wrong and the redemptive powers of forgiveness and faith.

Synopsis: A Desert Place

Joe Bloom goes to the New Mexico ranch of an old friend whom he finds dead with a gunshot to the back. Waiting there for Joe is $350,000 and a mysterious satchel. Joe reflects upon his life and tries to solve the mysteries of his friend's death, the contents of the satchel, and the identity of a woman by the name of Rosalita.


A bit about the blog:
Tossing It Out

Since Arlee is a juggler, he has taken the theme of juggling words and phrases and ideas and tossing them out to his audience in hopes that they will toss it back to him. His blog is an eclectic mix of pop culture, human interest, controversial topics, and religion. His normal topic schedule begins with Bible studies on Sundays, exploring writing topics on Mondays, exploring pop culture and travel with reviews and feature stories on Tuesdays, the interviews and people stories on Wednesdays, which is his most populer segment, a mix of controversial debate topics on Thursdays, stories of the strange, mysterious, and scary on Fridays, and wrapping it up with a recap of the week and look ahead to what’s coming up with a bit of this or that thrown in on Saturdays. Arlee states, "More than anything I like to engage the reader to participate and I love for them to comment, whether good or bad. For me any comment is a good comment."


Thanks for visiting with us today, Arlee.
See you all in the postings
Elysabeth Eldering
author of the JGDS 50-state. mytery, trivia series
JGDS Blog

Writer, Kristie Bernard

As promised, here is Kristi Bernard, another winner of the VBT November anniversary tour. Kristi is a member of a number of groups to help her hone her craft; she decided to prepare a guest article about Autism for today’s feature.

But, let me have Kristi tell you a bit about herself first:

I love to write. I come from a very artistic family of musicians, artists and writers. Other hobbies include, painting, needlepoint, quilting and working with clay.

I graduated from Wichita State University with a Bachelor of Arts in English, with minors in Education and Minority Studies.

I aspire to write picture books covering topics that feature historical people of color, and subjects on famous women to empower young girls.

To help me achieve my goal of becoming a better writer I am a member of the Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI), the Association of Children's Authors and Illustrators of Color (ACAIC) the Children's Writers Coaching Club (CWCC), the Kansas City Writers Meetup Group, and I am currently enrolled in The Institute of Children's Literature.

Kristi, you’re certainly taking all the right steps to get yourself moving along the writer’s road to publication. I look forward to watching your progression at CWCC.

Now, for an interesting article about Autism from Kristi:

The Other Heroes

by
Kristi Bernard

Most of us know about Autism. In 2007 a study confirmed that one child in 150 is diagnosed with autism and more recent studies show that it is on the rise. The cause at this time is unknown, but there is much speculation. What is known is that studies suggest boys are more inclined to develop autism than girls; and the average age of diagnosis is 8 years. Hearing this diagnosis for a child can be devastating; and parents have a lot to endure once the particulars of their child's diagnosis is set forth. The costs involved could potentially cause financial ruin, but with research they will find that programs and financial aid are available to help.

But, what about the children? For them, their parents are their heroes. And, what happens when the parents aren't around, when these children are in school programs away from home? Who are those other heroes who step in to care for these children? Where do these heroes come from, and why do they give their time and effort to help implement the various programs?

There are select government programs available to help parents and children with autism find financial support and treatment. The objective of these programs is to educate and develop children so that some day they will be able to function and maintain a quality life for themselves. The state of Kansas requires that caregivers should hold at least a bachelors or masters in speech therapy, occupational therapy, psychology, applied behavioral sciences and social work programs. They are the other heroes. They look out for the children with autism. Being there for the kids is a labor of love.

In my search to learn why these individuals took it upon themselves to follow this path, I interviewed two of these heroes.

My first interview was with Charla. She is a pediatric occupational therapist who works with autistic children in need of physical therapy, in their homes. The programs offered by her organization are occupational therapy, speech therapy, physical therapy, special instruction (for those birth to 3), and behavioral therapy. Charla is married with two small girls whom she loves to play games with. She recognizes that autism is a growing issue affecting children and can greatly impact a family's life. Her desire is to help the child, along with the family, learn physical therapy techniques to improve movement.

Charla has a bachelor degree in psychology and a masters in occupational therapy, both included training with autism. In regards to her experiences with autistic children, she feels each child she encounters is an individual. She sees how differently autism has affected them and their lives. Most need work on social skills, sensory integration and motor skills. In her professional opinion, each child in unique and requires unique treatment. Some may have mild cases while others are more severe. The rewards for her personally are when she sees that a child has gained a new skill, and that the family is able to handle the situation. Charla feels the best advice for parents is to research and to enlist help from someone they trust. She feels that some of the options cost lots of money and are not always covered by insurance. In conclusion, Charla is very happy with her career choice.

For my second interview, I had an opportunity to speak with Elsie. She retired from the banking industry after 33 years of service. She took the initiative to go back to school and earned a degree in social work. She has been married for more than 35 years. She has 3 children and 4 grandchildren. I asked Elsie why she wanted to work with children who were autistic, she stated that she has always wanted to do it. Her career as a bank manager was great. After she retired, she decided to go back to school to earn a degree. She wanted to serve families and children with autism. She works in the local high school and loves what she does. Every day she encounters new successes with the kids. She looks forward to going in everyday to see them grow, change and become more independent. She is always ready and eager to answer questions the parents may have about their child's progress. She keeps informed of new funding that has become available, and any new services or programs. Her advice to parents is for them to get informed and connect with their doctors, state agencies, and their insurance carriers. She wants parents to be aware that having children with autism is costly, but the costs can be managed.

I was very excited that I had the opportunity to interview these ladies. In my opinion, they are the other heroes. They work with and for the kids. If I had a child with special needs, I would want to know that my child is safe and receiving the same love, respect and attention as if I were there. I would like to offer a special thanks to all of the other heroes who take the time to give and care for the children who need them.

Kristi, I agree that those who dedicate themselves to helping others, especially children and the elderly are heroes. Thank you for writing about such an important issue. Autism is definitely on the rise and I thank those heroes along with you who give of themselves and help make a difference in the lives of children with Autism and their families.

It has been a delight to host you today.



Till next time,



Karen Cioffi, Children's Writer