Friday, November 13, 2009

Avoid Negativity

Yesterday I blogged about No Sugar-coating. Today I want to discuss something personal that you may connect with in your own lives: dealing with negativity.

Everyone gets bogged down at some point in their lives with negative energy from others. Whether it's put downs, 'smarter than thou' attitudes, it doesn't matter. It happens to all of us and actually to be totally honest with you I had a spell this summer where I almost tossed my writer's pen in the can and was about to email and say the muse conference was not going to happen ever again. I was in so much stress, had so many writers emailing me with nasty remarks about the conference I sat down, cried, and asked myself why I bothered spending so much time when it wasn't even appreciated...and it's free to boot!

A few days later I remembered why I bothered with one particular email from a lady who is disabled who wrote me to say how much she was looking forward to the conference because it's the only one she can attend not only because she's disabled but one she can afford. That was my turning point where I realized those who don't get what I'm trying to do don't deserve the time of day from me.

So don't allow negativity to ruin your writing passion the way I almost did. Only one other writer knew what I was about to do and she emailed me several times to see how I was doing. So telling others how you feel at times is the best thing a writer can do. Wish I could have done that and avoided the stress and close to a nervous breakdown this summer.

Even though I try 99% of the time to avoid any negativity to enter my life, it's that 1% that does manage to enter your bloodstream and cause a 'bad' ripple effect to your Muse.

For those curious what emails I was getting:

1- Why don't you have the conference all year round. I think you're being unfair to writers.

2- I'm not registering because I know I'm going to get what I paid for.

3- You say you're doing this for writers as I've heard so many blogging lately but I'm sure you're lining your pockets with dough.

4- Why do you offer so many workshops? You're really giving me a headache. I can't choose and I think next time you should only offer maybe ten.

Are these disgruntled writers? Whatever they are I can assure you they are out of my system and I'm back to my old self. This post was simply offered to let you know that many of us might seem as though we are untouchable but that's not so.

So avoid negative energy and always look toward the positive as much as possible.


Carolyn Howard-Johnson said...

Lea, you should have written "The Secret" first! (-:

This is a great venue for writers, too. Keep it up!

Carolyn Howard-Johnson
Tweeting tips and resources for writers at

Shelli (srjohannes) said...

i agree :) thanks for the follow.

Unknown said...

I'm actually shocked to hear that some writers are so thoughtless. I, for one, would not be able to go to any other conference because of finances. Continue to follow your heart, Lea. You are a blessing to so many people. Thank you.

Margaret Fieland said...

Lea -- the conference is SO WONDERFUL -- just ignore all those old stupid people trying to drag you down with their negative energy. Do you keep the positive emails to read over when you get down? I sometimes do that and I find it helps.

Bless you -- I'd never have written a word of fiction if it hadn't been for the conference, and I'd certainly never have written a collection of math poems ..


Lea Schizas - Author/Editor said...

Peggy, I go over to the conference website and read the testimonials - that's my motivator.

The summer was extremely hard on me health wise, financially, and spiritually and I allowed myself to get to that bottom step but never let on. That has always been my one fault - keeping things to myself and dealing with them instead of opening up like I am here.

Recently I came upon many posts and group emails with writers opening up and that encouraged me to come out and 'spill my guts' in order to help others see they are not alone.

Karen Cioffi said...

Lea, I had no idea. For the life of me I don't understand people. Your conference is a God send for many writers who have health or financial difficulties or both. But, it's also an amazing opportunity for all writers.

I'm sure those who had the lack of manners and appreciation to complain don't realize the blood, sweat, and tears that you put into the conferences - I don't know how you do it.

I do know I am one of many who greatly appreciate all you do and look forward to the Muse conferences.

Hey, if you want me to send you a daily, "YOU'RE GREAT" email, just let me know!

Thank you for all you do,

Donna McDine said...


My goodness. Please never ever take so much on by yourself and not vent and discuss with those of you who admire and trust you immensely. Believe me there are a tremendous amount of people who are lined up in front and behind me and so beyond the horizon that we walk with you in spirit and in the cyberspace hallways constantly.

To those naysayers, you have no idea what you are missing in the Muse Conference and Lea as a person. Negative thoughts and reactions to anything in this life will only give you negative results back.

Many blessings Lea and to all those who arrange and give of their time so willingly to make sure others succeed.

Warmest regards,

Donna McDine said...

Lea: I commented earlier, but will now elaborate from your post to the Muse It Up Group.

I've felt like hanging up my writing pen quite a few times. Until the day a person reached out to me and said she was grateful for the chance to get to know me and has watched me from a distance for quite some time and wanted to take the chance to say thank you for being open to the friendship and always willing to pass information on. I was blown away. Since at this time I wasn't doing a great job in keeping myself out there and felt all alone. I then climbed out of my dark pit and began interacting again. Mostly in cyberspace, but then having the guts to join an in-person writer's group at my local library. It was at the very first meeting a lightbulb went off and said keep at it. You love this. Go for it.

Lea...I'm glad you have come out of the darkness and will cotinue to write. Without you many many of us would be no where.

Warmest regards,

Jan Verhoeff said...

It's interesting that each of those statements was pointed at YOU but was really speaking out about the person's own feelings. Consider looking at them a different way...

Instead of: Why don't you have the conference all year round? I think you're being unfair to writers.

I see this one as: I don't have anything to do with my time so, I want to attend classes all the time and have another excuse not to write books and be a real writer. You're not giving me the excuses I richly deserve.

Instead of: I'm not registering because I know I'm not going to get what I paid for.

I see this as: I'm too lazy to apply my name to the free sign up and make the decision to make the most of my class.

Instead of: I've heard you're doing this for writers as I've heard so many blogging lately but I'm sure you're lining your pockets with dough.

I read this as: I'm a negative person and choose to see you as a money grubbing reflection of myself instead of the generous writer you are.

Instead of: Why do you offer so many workshops? You're giving me a headache. Next time why don't you offer only ten. (paraprhased)

I read this as: I'm too ignorant to make a choice for myself so why don't you limit me to the ten conference selections you choose for me, so I can have something different to complain about?

See, Lea, you really should have asked me. I could have made you laugh off all that stress. I for one (and I know there are many more), need you to answer my questions now and then. I really appreciate what you do. I KNOW how difficult it is to offer workshops and conferences not on the scale of yours, but in person. It's a big job.

Don't let it get to you. Just know you're loved and appreciated and we would love to listen to your gripes - we certainly take advantage of sharing ours with you!!! You're ALWAYS in my prayers. I figure you're a writer, so you've already got a big enough handicap, you need all the prayers you can get!


The noodle slayer.

Lea Schizas - Author/Editor said...

Jan, yes, your post made me smile, giggle, and laugh, something that has been missing for a spell now.

The conference emails really were the last straw that pushed me over the edge. It was other matters, health, financial, not knowing how to say no and getting stuck being everyone's helper, etc.

I'm back, a new whip in my hand, and writing is moving along.

Thank you all for being here for me. I really appreciate it.

Anonymous said...


I have to admit I have the hardest time deciding which forums to sign up for. I've learned the key to doing it. I sign up for 2 or 3. Then I've got my list of the others I wish I could take.

I read the forums that I can't take & take notes on what I can learn from others.

I was thinking about the comment you should have the conference all year. I guess they should have asked if you would sacrifice your own writing career for everyone elses.

That's reasonable. Man oh man people are unreal sometimes.

IGNORE THEM. I'm shocked & thrilled with the offerings each year. I don't know how you do it. I think this year was the best so far. It seems to get better each year.

I'm one of many that can't afford an "in person" conference. I know you usually get what you pay for. Thank God this is th exception to the rule. For those that feel that way just let them know they're free to donate what they learn it's worth. That should shut them up!


I write in desperation. What else could I spend my time doing? i'm a ventilator-dependent quadriplegic. I was sooooooooooooo frustrated this past week I quit. That lastd 24 hours & the borediom got to be tooooooooooooo much. I was wondering what is the point? How will I ever promote my books?

I never did answer that question. What else can I do? Nothing is as cathartic as writing. I'm addicted to it's ability to take my focus off of "poor me".

I basically got sick of feeling sorry for myself & asked, "Why do I write?" I have more reasons to write than to stop. Nothing gives me as much joy & feelings of worth.

I think that's the key to my staying writing is asking, "Why do I write?" To make a long story even longer, I just figured out why I don't write flash pieces, lol


ChrisChat said...

Lea, you read my journal. I'm 46 and 14 years ago I did have the emotional breakdown because I basically cared too much what others thought of me. I needed to please everyone and was afraid of meeting people and being in social settings. This was part and parcel of social anxiety.

I'm so over that, but still live in the times.

It's that place where I worry over what too few people think. Where I look for acknowledgment from those who shouldn't matter when I'm receiving praise, acknowledgment, and friendship from those who have taken me into their life.

Yes, it is the place where I worry over budgets, daughter, husband, mother, grandmother, what I'm doing and not doing.

It's the place where I think maybe I can't write, maybe I shouldn't be devoting so much here and go get a 'real' job as those who I want to acknowledge me indicate.

What stops me from throwing in the towel? You. Babs. My Muse Family. My Other Writers Family. My hubby, daughter, mom, grandmother.

These are the people who believe in me and who(m:) I believe in.

Dear Sweet Lady...we are here and we believe in You as much as You believe in Us. It is because we believe in us all that we succeed.

Okay, this Chatterbox has rambled enough. Besides, you can't get away from us...we won't let you :) HUGS

Celebrating the Coming Release of "The Frugal Editor" with an Essay on the Conceited Pronoun "I"

A Little Essay on the Pronoun “I”   Using "I" As a Conceit   By Carolyn Howard-Johnson, author of fiction,  poetry, and how-too bo...