Eight Ways to Handle Rejection.

Life is all about aiming to achieve. And when you do this, you face the likelihood that you won't get what you want—in other words, you'll be rejected.

If you look at this realistically, it means that rejection isn't all bad. In fact, if you are not being rejected, you're not moving on with life—whether we're talking about writers and their books, young people looking for a job, adults looking for relationships, or even children starting out at school.

Rejection means you're trying to move on. And that in itself is a good thing. The real issue is, how do you deal with it? The better you get at dealing with rejection, the less it will affect you negatively. So here are eight ways to help you deal with rejection, whether it's in the writing field or not.

1. Acknowledge it to yourself. Don't pretend it doesn't hurt. Don't tell yourself your thinking is wrong. You've been rejected. It hurts. Say it!


2. Be specific. Stop for a moment and analyse what you're saying to yourself. Is it you that's been rejected? (And it could be.) Or is it something you have done? Is it the book you've slaved over for the past two years? Has your job application been turned down? Did the person you wanted to befriend spurn your approaches? Analysing the exact cause of the rejection will help to get it into perspective.


3. Examine your emotions. How upset are you? Just a little? Or do you want to sit down and sob? That's okay. Do it if you want to. That's a God-given way of releasing emotion. Get it out your system, so you can move on.


4. Write down your feelings: Write them in a journal or even on the back of an old envelope. Just get them down. e.g. "I've worked so hard at this book. This was the one publisher I was sure would love it. Now they've turned me down, I feel as if I've wasted two years of my life."
   Or"I feel sad because she doesn't want to be my friend. I am lonely, and really long to have someone to talk to." 


5. Correct the statement. Go over it analytically. Is it exactly accurate in every way? Does it stop too soon? e.g. in the first statement, the publisher hasn't turned you down. He's turned your book down. And you probably don't know why. Maybe the reader had a flat tyre on the way to work, and your book starts with the heroine staring at a flat tyre! It can be as silly as that! The second example may be exactly true, but it's not logical. It suggests now that the one person has turned you down, there is no one else who can solve your loneliness. Not true!


6. Decide to tell someone else. Notice I said "decide". Whether you actually do or not depends on the circumstances, and on whether it is really necessary. But think of someone you think will listen and understand what you're going through. Then imagine yourself sharing with them. Tell them just how you feel, the reactions stirring within you. Share the actions you feel like taking. Do you want to burn the book? Or more likely, hit DELETE--and find another interest? Even as you put it into words, you know you don't want to do this. Your rejection is a bump in the road. There is a lot more to your journey. Do you want to never talk to anyone again? Well then you certainly will be lonely! 


7. Speak to someone, if you still need to, and you can think of the right person. Chances are by the time you get to this stage you will have realised you can deal with it yourself.


8. Prepare to move on. It's easy to get stuck on the hurts of the rejection. But once you've taken a good hard look at your emotions, reactions, and have a clearer picture, it's time to move on. Dwelling on the negative is going to keep you living through the whole experience and the emotions. Don't sit around waiting for something to happen. You need to prepare for the next step. 

Have you faced rejection recently? How did you deal with it? Do you have anything to add to this list? Leave a comment below.

Related reading that will encourage you:

1. Valley of the Dolls
2. Know Who Theodore Geosel Is?

SHIRLEY CORDER  lives in South Africa, with her husband Rob. She is author of Strength Renewed: Meditations for your Journey through Breast Cancer, contributing author to eleven other books, and her name is on hundreds of devotions and articles internationally. 

Visit Shirley on her website to inspire and encourage writers, or on Rise and Soar, her website for encouraging those on the cancer journey. Do pop onto her Author's page on Facebook and introduce yourself so she can be your friend. 

Another 25 Reasons Your Submissions are Rejected

Some time ago I posted the first 25 reasons. Here are more tips from the Surrey, B.C. Writers Conference. Each year agents and publishers conduct an exercise, where they read aloud the first pages of writers' submissions to see how far they would read before it would be rejected. Here is a list of reasons for rejection, courtesy of Anne Mini, Author!Author! 

26. When the first lines are dialogue, the speaker is not identified.
27. The book opened with a flashback, rather than what was going on now.
28. Too many long asides slowed down the action of an otherwise exciting scene.
29. Descriptive asides pulled the reader out of the conflict of the scene.
30. Overuse of dialogue, in the name of realism.
31. Real life incidents are not always believable.
32. Where’s the conflict?
33. Agent can’t identify with the conflict shown.
34. Confusing.
35. The story is not exciting.
36. The story is boring (yes, they did differentiate between this and the one before it.)
37. The story is corny.
38. Repetition on pg. 1 (!)
39. Too many generalities.
40. The character shown is too average.
41. The stakes are not high enough for the characters.
42. The opening scene is too violent (in the example that generated this response, a baby’s brains were bashed out against a tree).
43. Too gross.
44. There is too much violence to children and/or pets.
45. It is unclear whether the narrator is alive or dead.
 46. The story is written in the second person, which is hard to maintain.
47. The story is written in the first person plural, which is almost as hard to maintain.
48. The narrator speaks directly to the reader (“I should warn you…”), making the story hyper-aware of itself qua story.
49. The narration is in a kid’s voice that does not come across as age-appropriate.
50. An adult book that has a teenage protagonist in the opening scene is often assumed to be YA.

Has anyone received any other reasons for rejection?


-------------------------
A native Montanan, Heidi M. Thomas now lives in Northwest Washington. Her first novel, Cowgirl Dreams, is based on her grandmother, and the sequel, Follow the Dream, has recently won the national WILLA Award. Heidi has a degree in journalism, a certificate in fiction writing, and is a member of Northwest Independent Editors Guild. She teaches writing and edits, blogs, and is working on the next books in her “Dare to Dream” series.     

Rejections Lessons

My writing teacher warned me this would happen. One rejection letter after another piled on shelves and shoved into filing cabinets. There's enough paper to cover my office walls--and ceiling and floor and some of the hallway.

 

Well, that's one solution.

 

There has to be more to the rejection letter than dust collector and object of scorn. Most writers will say that the best way to handle rejection letters is to read them, file them, and send the rejected piece off to someone else as soon as possible. It's not bad advice, but it's not good enough.

 

Take a long, hard look at that letter. Has the editor tossed you a crumb of hope? Given you even the slightest chance to hang on to your confidence and self-respect?

 

Yes, it's a form letter--the same terse, soulless letter they send to every writer who doesn't make the grade--but what else? Amongst all those stiffly typed words, is anything other than the signature handwritten? Quite likely. Editors like to add quick notes to writers who show some promise. If you can decipher the scrawl--editors are as inscrutable as doctors when it comes to penmanship--pay attention to the words. If you're lucky, the editor will compliment one or more aspects of your story--then tell you exactly where he or she thinks you went wrong.

 

Take the comments seriously, but don't take them to heart--unless they all start saying the same things. If nine out of ten editors say your ending falls flat, it probably does. Don't sulk. Don't get angry. Fire up your computer (or uncap you pen) and get back to the business of writing. Tuck your original version away--just in case--and start making changes. Use the suggestions you like. Dream up a few of your own. Throw away the rest. After all, it's still your story. You can only make so many changes based on outside commentary before it becomes someone else's story.

 

Thicken your skin by joining a writers' workshop (either online or in person). Everyone submits their work for critique. It won't take long for you to realize that a single story can generate critiques that run the gamut from "this is absolutely wonderful" to "better luck next time."

 

Whether you're hearing from fellow writers or detached editors, don't take the comments personally. Except in rare cases, critiques are aimed at the story, not at the writer.

 

Finally, accept the fact that--for most of us--the rejections will far outweigh any successes. Writing is a subjective art form. Standards of quality shift from person to person and from moment to moment.

 

Remain as true as possible to your original vision. Somewhere amidst all those publications is an editor who sees life as you do--or at least appreciates the way you present your case.

 

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Betty Dobson is an award-winning writer of short fiction, essays and poetry. She also writes newspaper and magazine articles but is still waiting for those awards to materialize. In the meantime, she continues to run InkSpotter Publishing, which is always open to submissions and queries.

Rejection Letters - How to Keep them from Ending Your Career

If you haven’t received a number of rejection letters, then you’re probably not a writer.  Or at least you’re not a writer who is submitting your work to others for publication.  For many, rejection letters sound the death knell of their career.  Yet it’s not the letters that end a writing career, it’s how a writer responds to those letters.  Giving up on your writing is a choice.

In my early writing days, I decided to consider rejection letters as a sign from the universe that I was a writer moving on the path.  I made a conscious decision to be thankful for each letter. AND when I received a letter with a personal note, I danced (literally) around my living room, thankful that someone thought enough about my writing to either give me encouragement or advice.  I’m in good company with this practice.  The first time Kathyrn Stockett, author of The Help received a rejection letter she was thrilled and called all her friends to share her excitement.  With each rejection letter, she went back to her manuscript to "fix" what wasn't working.  She received 60 more letters saying “no thank you” before she found a home for The Help.

I recently received a letter from someone telling me that she felt blocked and stopped writing because of rejections.  With each rejection she felt like a failure.  If you want to be a “traditionally” published writer then rejection letters are part of the process.  Learning to cope with rejection is critical.  

Below are my 5 rules regarding rejection letters.

1.       If there is constructive feedback and it pings with you – use it. 

After submitting a manuscript to an editor who actually gave me some personal feedback, I knew her comment about the depth of my character was true.  I used her criticism to rework the manuscript and submitted it for an artist's grant. I was awarded the grant.

2.       Don’t believe or embrace the negative. 

Rudyard Kipling was told he didn’t know how to use the English language and Emily Dickinson was told her poems were devoid of any poetic qualities.  They kept writing.

3.       Remember it is a person’s opinion.

A publisher told Fitzgerald, “You'd have a decent book if you'd get rid of that Gatsby character”.

4.       If you believe in your work, don’t let anyone tell you it won’t sell.

Beatrix Potter initially self-published the Tale of Peter Rabbit after it had been turned down many times.

5.       Do something with the letters that reminds you it’s not the end and then JUST KEEP WRITING.

Pat Schmatz, author of the award winning YA Book, Blue Fish papered her bathroom with her rejection letters. When she was ready to move, she had to figure out how to take the letters with her.

At this stage in my writing life when I open the mail and receive a rejection I say to myself: “Hmm, not the right publishing house…that means I’m getting closer to find the right match for my manuscript. Thanks.”

 Do you have a unique approach to dealing with rejection letters?  Can you see yourself trying one of the above suggestions?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Mary Jo Guglielmo is writer and intuitive life strategist.  She helps clients break through their blocks and chart their course of action so they can live their True North.

For more information check out  www.donorth.bizor folllow her at:http://theadvantagepoint.wordpress.com http://www.donorth.biz/personal_sessions.htm
http://www.helpingchidrencope.blogspot.com http://twitter.com/do_north http://facebook.com/DoNorth.biz 

Doubled Preposition Trouble

Are you one of those writers who have a doubled preposition personality? I have to admit that I am, and that is why I ty to be self-conscious about them and why I self-edit.

You may not be aware that you use doubled prepositions. It took me a while to pick up on it. Just what is a doubled preposition? The best way to answer this question is to give a few examples: 1) Your character sits down on the sofa; 2) A character walks over to the house; 3) Another character looks over at the girl walking  by. Sound familiar?

Of course there is the occasional tripled preposition such as: 1) looking down below at; or 2) coming on over to.


I am sure you can see what I mean after reading these few examples, but what does it mean to you as a writer? Well, it could mean having a good story rejected by an agent or publisher. It also labels you as an amateur writer or, at best, an average writer.

There is, however, one instance where doubled or tripled prepositions are accepted and even beneficial. Dialogue! In this setting it can actually be beneficial in giving your readers an impression of the character. An impression that could, if handled properly, label your character as a simple person or an uneducated person. Through this type of dialogue, you can give personal information about your character without actually saying it.

So the next time you self-edit be sure to watch for those doubled or tripled prepositions. It could mean acceptance or rejection.

Faye M. Tollison
Author of: To Tell the Truth
Upcoming books: The Bible Murders and Sarah's Secret
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