Avoiding Common Punctuation Errors Part 3: Commas in Participial Phrases

Commas with Participial Phrases

Good writing is about more than grammar and punctuation.  It's about great characters, difficult decisions, high stakes, and insight into the human condition.  But...it's also about good grammar and punctuation.  Sometimes, important marks gets omitted, like the poor little comma in the illustration here.  Perhaps the omission is in the effort to make writing smoother.  Unfortunately, it often has the opposite effect.  Here's one type of common omission..   

When you have an independent clause (“Nathan stumbled along in front of the guard”), followed by a dependent clause starting with an "–ing" verb (“looking for ways to escape”), ask yourself whether you can stick who was/that was in the middle.  Does it still make sense? 

Example 1:

Test:  Nathan shuffled along in front of the guard WHO WAS looking for ways to escape.  Um…the guard was looking for ways to escape?  No, Nathan was looking for ways to escape.  You therefore need a comma in the middle to indicate that the subject of the first clause is also the one doing the second clause. 

Correct:  Nathan shuffled along in front of the guard, looking for ways to escape.

Incorrect:  Nathan shuffled along in front of the guard looking for ways to escape.

Example 2:  I sat on the sofa sagging in the corner.

Test:  I sat on the sofa THAT WAS sagging in the corner.  Makes sense.  No comma.

Example 3:  I sat on the sofa massaging my ankle.

Test:  I sat on the sofa THAT WAS massaging my ankle.  Cool sofa!  I want one.  But really, that’s not what you meant at all. The sofa wasn't massaging your ankle.  You were.  So you need the commas before the –ing.

Correct:  I sat on the sofa, massaging my ankle.

Example 4: “Come pick me up,” Sarah demanded through the phone looking in horror at the fire.

Test:  “Come pick me up,” Sarah demanded through the phone THAT WAS looking in horror at the fire.  Hmm…that's a really smart phone.

Correct:  “Come pick me up,” Sarah demanded through the phone, looking in horror at the fire.

Use the "THAT WAS" test: 

If you can stick that was in the middle and it still makes sense, no comma.

If you stick in that was and it changes the meaning, put a comma between the clauses.

Note:  It works in other situations too.  Other adjective or participial phrases modifying a subject earlier in the sentence have this same comma pattern.

Example 6:  She continued pushing dirt down around the seedlings oblivious to the threat at her front gate. 

Test:  Liz continued pushing dirt down around the seedlings WHO WERE oblivious to the threat at her front gate.  Technically, the plants were oblivious, but you probably mean that Liz was oblivious.

Correct:  Liz continued pushing dirt down around the seedlings, oblivious to the threat at her front gate.  

Often this mistake just requires that your reader pause a moment and re-evaluate, but sometimes it leads to mass confusion.  "John walked up to the man kissing the belly dancer."  Obviously the man was kissing the belly dancer.  If you meant that John was kissing the belly dancer, your readers aren't going to understand, so put in the comma.

NOTE:  If you're a person who doesn't use any commas unless absolutely necessary, you can sometimes omit this comma.  However, if there's any possibility that your reader will misunderstand, it's best to follow the rule and include it.   

Want more punctuation tips?  

Avoiding Incorrect Punctuation Pt 1:  Commas Save Lives; the Vocative Comma

Avoiding Incorrect Punctuation Pt 2:  Commas and Periods in Dialogue

Melinda Brasher writes mainstream short stories, science fiction, fantasy, and travel articles.  To find her work online, in print, or as e-books, explore her website:  melindabrasher.com

Avoiding Common Punctuation Errors Part 2: Dialogue

Commas and Periods in Dialogue

We all love dialogue in books, but your readers will love it less if it’s punctuated awkwardly. Here is the solution to a common error in dialogue punctuation.

First, make the distinction between what I call “dialogue tags” and “action tags.”

A dialogue tag uses said or another similar speaking word.  For example, “he said,” “I asked,” or “she whispered.”  As long as you don’t get carried away with attention-grabbing synonyms like ordered, commiserated, murmured, contradicted, these dialogue tags are good because they’re short and almost invisible.  They let the reader focus on the dialogue itself.  However, you don’t want to use them with every line of dialogue, or you’ll sound repetitive and choppy.

An action tag does not contain a synonym for said.  Instead, it’s simply an action the character performs before, during, or while speaking.  Example: “Magda slammed her fist on the table,” or “Simon carefully untangled the knotted rope.”  These are great because they break up the dialogue while giving either a better insight into the character or a better image of the scene as a whole.  When using an action tag, you don’t have to put in the dialogue tag—and usually should’t—because the reader understands that the person doing the action is the same person speaking.

Magda slammed her fist on the table.  “I’m not going to ignore this any longer.”

“So, you think I’m manipulating you.”  Simon carefully untangled the knotted rope.

In good writing, you use both dialogue and action tags.  But in good writing, you also remember to punctuate them correctly.     

Rule #1:  Use a comma with dialogue tags.

“I love you,” she whispered.

He said, “That’s unfortunate.”

Rule #2:  Use a period with action tags.

“I love you.”  She twined her fingers through his.

He coughed.  “That’s unfortunate.”

Miscellaneous Rules: 

When combining the two types of tags, you’ll usually need the comma.

He rose to his feet and shouted, “Not guilty!”

“Order in the court,” the judge demanded, slamming down his gavel.

If your dialogue ends with a question mark or exclamation point, capitalize as if it were a comma.

“Do you love me?” she asked.

“Absolutely not!” he yelled.

Don’t be fooled by words like smile.

Incorrect:  He smiled, “Welcome to your worst nightmare.” 

Correct:  He smiled.  “Welcome to your worst nightmare.”

Be careful with "said" when it has its own direct object.  That makes it its own sentence, and should be punctuated like an action tag.  
Incorrect:  "I'm tired," she said it with an apologetic smile.
Correct:  "I'm tired."  She said it with an apologetic smile.
OR:  "I'm tired," she said with an apologetic smile.

The Gray Area

There is room for debate here, on some verbs like laugh, sob, spit, etc., which involve the mouth or throat, but aren’t really speaking words.  For example, I think that you can sob out words, so I can use “sob” as a dialogue tag or an action tag.  I also think you can laugh and talk (rather unintelligibly) at the same time, so I sometimes use laugh as a dialogue tag.  When you’re really angry, I think you can spit words.  Others disagree.  I believe, however, that if you make the conscious decision on a gray-area verb, it’s a matter of style, not a mistake.

Examples: 

“I killed him,” she sobbed. (Sounds good to me, as if she’s crying and talking at the same time.)

“I killed him.” She sobbed.  (Sounds awkward to me, like she said it and only then started crying.)

“I killed him.” She sobbed into her bloody hands. (Sounds good.  If I want to use these gray verbs as action tags, adding a little extra detail usually gets rid of the choppiness.)

Punctuation is a guide for your readers.  Make it work for you and for them.

For more, read Part 1: Commas Save Lives; the Vocative Comma.

Join me next month for more about the exciting world of punctuation.

Note that these examples and rules are for Standard American English (SAE).  Punctuation in other regions may differ.  If you have any examples of difference, we'd love to see them in the comments below.  Thanks!

Read Melinda Brasher's free short story, "A Learned Man," on Electric Spec's current issue.   It's a bit of a ghost story based on a two-page folk tale she read in a library in small-town El Salvador.  Inspiration will sneak up and whack you on the head if you're not careful.  You can also find more of her work on melindabrasher.com 

Avoiding Common Punctuation Errors Part 1: The Vocative Comma

Commas Save Lives

Your story is written.  You have compelling characters, a rich setting, deep symbolism, and a perfectly twisty plot.  You're ready to share your creation with the world.  But take a moment to consider the underrated art of punctuation.

Punctuation isn't a ridiculous torture device invented by English teachers.  It's a guide for your reader.  Used properly, those little commas, periods, and quotation marks help your reader interpret your words correctly the first time.  After all, you masterpiece isn't a masterpiece if people keep getting tripped up by punctuation (or lack thereof). 

Today we'll consider just one little rule, simple but often ignored.

The Vocative Comma:

When you address someone or something directly, use commas to set off the name or title. 
    Your car is ready, Mr. President.
    Alex, turn off that horrid music.
    At the end of the day, folks, the only thing that matters is how many people we help.
    Stupid computer, can't you just work right this once?

When authors forget this rule, at best the result is clunky or awkward.  At worst, it creates an entirely different meaning.  Here's the most classic example: 

           Let's eat Grandpa.
           Let's eat, Grandpa.

If your character is a heartless cannibal, the first version is fine.  Otherwise, you need the comma.

More Examples:

I don’t know Mom (character denying any familiarity with his mother)
I don't know, Mom (character telling his mother that he doesn't know something)

You are Sigmund.  (Revealing to an amnesiac that his name is Sigmund)
You are, Sigmund.  (Answering Sigmund's question, "Who's the crazy one here?")

Children put your toys away.  (You have very young servants who clean up your toys for you)
Children, put your toys away.  (You're telling your kids to put their toys away). 

I killed, John (character admitting to John that he killed someone)
I killed John (character admitting to the police that he murdered John)

You called me father (I'm not really your father, but it touches me that you consider me like a father.)
You called me, father.  (You're my dad, and I'm returning your phone call.)

I'll see you in February June. (You're a little confused about dates)
I'll see you in February, June (You have an appointment in February with your friend June)

And that man is the truth. (You're apparently looking at the god of truth or something)
And that, man, is the truth. (Man, I'm telling the truth)

Don't marry, Alice (Alice, stay single!  Marriage is for the birds.)
Don't marry Alice (Alice is bad news.  Don't marry her.  Marry me instead.)

Conversely, if you use the comma to set off a name or title when you're not addressing someone directly, you get results like this:

Those irresponsible cows!  Why won't they keep their dogs under control?

If you want your masterpiece to shine, pay attention to punctuation, and join me next month for more common punctuation errors.

Avoiding Incorrect Punctuation Pt 2:  Commas and Periods in Dialogue

Melinda Brasher wrote the cover story in this month's edition of Orson Scott Card's Intergalactic Medicine Show.  Check out the artwork here.  She loves writing, but can't read anymore without unintentionally editing, and loves a good punctuation or grammar joke.  Nerd power!  Check out her author page at Amazon.

Watching for Euphemisms and Mealy-Mouthed PC-isms

Frankly, I think getting too PC (politically correct) can interfere with clear, concise English. But, we writers need to be aware of PC trends so we can make conscious choices and avoid faux pas whenever possible. And there are lots of PC-isms we out there we need to know.

But here's an example of  what I consider just too, too PC: An academic at one of the universities that uses my husband's reference book, What Foreigners Need to Know About America From A to Z (http://amzn.to/ForeignersAmericaUS) objected to the word "Foreigners" in the title. My husband was aware of that difficulty when he chose that title. Some consider it pejorative. The thing is, there is not really a perfect substitute in the English language. "Aliens" calls up an image quite different (and for some even more negative) than "Foreigners." These academics who used to call their students from other countries "foreign students" now call them "international students," but that term wasn't quite right for this book. Some people this book is written for may be emigrants. Second generation citizens. Tourists. People who aren't Americans who conduct business with Americans both in the US and in their own countries. And on and on. Though not a perfect term, "foreigners" was the most inclusive word he could find.

I think that often attitudes about words tell more about the person who objects to them. When did it get to be a bad thing to be a "foreigner?" In America, even Native Americans were once from somewhere else. Or, more importantly, when are we going to get over the idea that being a foreigner is a bad thing.

Now the LA Times reports that the respected AP (Associated Press) has decided to discourage its reporters and editors from using the word "illegal immigrant." Some find the term offensive. The Times reports, "They prefer 'undocumented' arguing that 'illegal' is dehumanizing and lumps border crossers with serious criminals."

So the venerable AP stylebook warns against the term, though they, too, couldn't find a suitable substitute for all cases. Instead they suggest a kind of "working around it" approach—which may be an adequate alternative in the body of a written piece but may be tough when coming up with a title or headline.

There are all kinds of phrases and words that we should be leery of. We know—instinctively or because we writers need to keep up on such things—most of them. But sometimes the style suggestions are just plain mealy mouthed. Meaning that they are diluting our language without offering anything that works as well.

Decisions. Decisions. Just remember. "Undocumented" isn't going to work. Some people have documents, just not the right ones.

But the part of all this—the part that I love—is the idea a senior manager at Associated Press put forth: "It's lazy to label people. It's better to describe them." I have to agree with that. I was labeled all my life and hate putting labels on people. It's a little like putting them in a box, locking it, and throwing away the key.

And, just so you know, LA Times and The New York Times will soon be weighing in on the "illegal" and "undocumented" issue. Can't wait to see what they come up with.

Note: In the 1970s, the LA Times style book preferred "illegal alien." Times do change…gradually. Thank goodness, mostly for the better. I'm going to accumulate style choices, possibly for a new book. If you have ideas for me, please let me know at HoJoNews@aol.com

 

 

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Carolyn Howard-Johnson edits, consults. and speaks on issues of publishing. Find her The Frugal Editor: Put Your Best Book Forward to Avoid Humiliation and Ensure Success (How To Do It Frugally series of book for writers). Learn more about her other authors' aids at www.howtodoitfrugally.com/writers_books.htm , where writers will find lists and other helps including Great Little Last-Minute Editing Tips on the Resources for Writers page. She blogs on all things publishing (not just editing!) at her Sharing with Writers blog. She tweets writers' resources at www.twitter.com/frugalbookpromo .

Do You Use Readers?

            It used to be that an author created and wrote his story and then sent it to his editor, after which he did his rewrites and published his book. But there is one tool I use to help give me input about my story. This tool is my readers. They have become an important part of my editing and rewriting process.

            More and more authors are turning to readers to give their thoughts and opinions on the authors’ stories. This is a good idea since most people who buy and read books are ordinary everyday people and are not writers or editors.

            Editors are looking at the structure of your plot, character development, and yes, grammar and spelling among other things. But readers are looking at it for its intrest and appeal. To use both readers and an editor gives you a more rounded viewpoint of your story.

            Readers give you a perspective from a different angle. Now don’t go firing your editor. On the contrary. I prefer to get my readers’ input before I send my book to my editor. Readers view your story from a reader’s viewpoint where your editor look at your story from a writer’s viewpoint, and it is my opinion that a writer needs both.

            I do ask my readers to look for spelling/grammar errors and typos. They do a grand job of finding them, too. But I also like to get their opinion on specific parts/chapters of my story. Because they are not as picky as editors are, they can really give you a fresh and honest opinion. Once you get your readers input, then you can concentrate on the things your editor finds.

            How many readers should you have? As many as you want but definitely more than one. The difference in opinion from one reader to another can create a dilemma. A third reader’s opinion can give you the solution to that dilemma.

            So do you have a reader/s? If not, you’re missing out on a more well-rounded editing information.

Faye M. Tollison

Author of:  To Tell the Truth

Upcoming books:  The Bible Murders

                               Sarah’s Secret

Member of:  Sisters in Crime

                     Writers on the Move

www.fayemtollison

www.fayetollison.blogspot.com

www.fmtoll.wordpress.com

            

What Do Editors Look For?

Here are some things you can expect an independent editor to do for you:

• Story arc. Does it have a beginning, middle, and end? Does the protagonist grow and evolve? Is there a sense of narrative that flows smoothly, without gaps or requiring mountain goat-like intuitive leaps on the reader's part?

• Point of view. Writer Greg Frost suggests that writers "tell the story from the point of view of the character who hurts the most," and there's a lot of wisdom in that approach. As a writer, you're looking at one of the worst moments in your character's life, and how he or she got through those moments and learned and grew from them. If your character isn't the most appealing person onstage, readers may stop caring about the story you're trying to tell.

• Language. This isn't just about grammar. How's the writer's control of sentence structure and pacing? Do too many sentences sound the same? Are there quirky, overused words or phrases? Is the language too passive in places?

• Dialogue. Do the characters sound like real people? Does their dialogue ring true in the situations the writer puts them in? Do they have consistent voices? Do characters sometimes say too many words without a response from the person they're speaking to? Does a reader get a sense of the characters' body language while they're speaking?

• Info dumps. Is the book filled with indigestible lumps of exposition that need to be dissolved into the narrative before the reader can hope to swallow them? Does a character ever turn to another character and tell her something they both already know, just for the reader's convenience? ("As you know, Bob, we have ten children.")

• Organization. Does the story start in the right place? Does it go on for two chapters past the natural ending? Does it flow logically? Are we given key pieces of information when we need them, or does the murder weapon show up two chapters too late? Does anything seem jumbled or out of order?

• Characters. Do they seem believable? Is the protagonist likeable? Does she fit the way the author describes her? Are these people who can hold your interest for a whole book, or do we need to know more (or less) about them. Are there key details the author doesn't tell us about his characters, or things that just don't seem to fit? Do the characters fit the story, or are some of them still products of wish-fulfillment on the author's part? Are there elements that can be eliminated?

• Plot. Does the plot rely on someone acting stupid for the story to succeed? Would the whole book fall apart if the hero and heroine had an honest conversation? Is it too linear, or not linear enough? Is there too much story for one book? Does it feel like a short story stretched beyond the breaking point? At key moments, is there something else that could go wrong to intensify the plot or the mess the characters find themselves in? (One of the key questions to ask as a writer or editor: "What else could go wrong here?") Is there someone who needs to die to forward the plot that the author seems reluctant to kill?

• Blocking. Do the physical actions work as described? Here's where the editor needs to pay attention to whether the guns run out of bullets or whether cavalry can really charge over that terrain or whether two people can really fit together that way in zero-gravity.

• Tone. Are there abrupt, unintentional shifts in tone? Is the tone appropriate for the level of emotional manipulation the writer is trying to pull off? Are there jarring moments where the language or other factors pull the reader out of the book?

• Nagging issues. Do the facts line up? Are there things you're still not sold on? Make sure you pin down any little disquieting things and figure out what's really bothering you. Often it's an undiagnosed symptom in one of the other areas.

These are some of the things you can expect an independent editor to do for you.

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 A native Montanan, Heidi M. Thomas now lives in Northwest Arizona. Her first novel, Cowgirl Dreams, is based on her grandmother, and the sequel, Follow the Dream, has recently won the national WILLA Award. Heidi has a degree in journalism, a certificate in fiction writing, and is a member of Northwest Independent Editors Guild. She teaches writing, and edits, blogs, and is working on the next books in her “Dare to Dream” series.

Great Marketing, Networking, and The Gift of Surprise

This post is as much about giving as it is about writing. And, yes, I equate giving with great marketing. This review appeared in a Google Alert. I didn't send a review copy. There was no query involved. It just happened. Thus, it was a surprise and very heartwarming. Regardless of what you've been told in the past about networking and marketing, that's what it's really about. Making friends. From the heart.

A review of an author's book is about the best gift you can possibly give him or her. This review is my Kathryn M. Weiland and I hope you'll take her example and review a book you've read lately. Post it on your blog and on Amazon. And then let him or her know about it--just in case they haven't tuned into the magic of Google Alerts yet! (-:

Review of Great Little Last-Minute Editing Tips for Writers by Kathryn M. Weiland

Carolyn Howard-Johnson is well known among writers for her helpful book The Frugal Book Promoter, and she continues to encourage and guide writers through her many other projects, including this fast read (56 pages), which she advertises as a supplement to her book The Frugal Book Editor. After opening with an intro, reminding authors of the importance of crossing our T’s and dotting our I’s in both our queries and our published works, she launches into the meat of the book: page after page of handy references for spotting and fixing tricky word pairs.

Organized alphabetically with word pairs separated by slashes (e.g., “bereft / bereaved”), the book makes it easy to look up definitions and identify which word should be used in specific circumstances. Although the book’s diminutive length prevents it from anywhere close to exhaustive, it’s a good starting place and can easily be backed up with the more complete list in The Frugal Book Editor.

Priced reasonably (especially the Kindle version) and packed with lots of writerly wit and humor, the book makes for both an enjoyable read and a worthwhile reference manual. To find it go to www.budurl.com/WordtrippersPB

~K.M. Weiland is the author of the historical western A Man Called Outlaw and the medieval epic Behold the Dawn. She enjoys mentoring other authors through her writing tips, her book Outlining Your Novel: Map Your Way to Success, and her instructional CD Conquering Writer’s Block and Summoning Inspiration.

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Fear of Formatting

I have a novel forthcoming from MuseItUp publishing, a science fiction novel for tweens/young adults, and as part of the novel, I created a poet and wrote thirty-one of his poems. Eight of the poems appear in the novel, and I wanted to publish the whole collection to go along with the book. I dragged my feet - first about obtaining permission to use the poems that appear in the book, and second, when I had permission, about putting the book together.

Fear of formatting held me back, but at last, with the deadline approaching, I jumped in.


I created the cover on the above using my image and a CreateSpace template.

Covers: This was my first sticking point. But fear not, designing one's own book cover is easy with CreateSpace, as they have cover templates and images you can use. Or you can use your own photo, or go to one of the many websites that offer photographs and buy one. I went to Bigshotphoto to purchase the image for the cover of "Sand in the Desert." It cost me $2.99 for the small size.

For the cover of SandInTheDesert, see Karen Cioffi's post: http://margaretfieland.com/blog1/2012/05/26/design-your-own-ebook-cover/


For the formatting, alas, there was no cure but to jump in. CreateSpace does have templates you can download and use for the various size finished documents. They have predefined layouts, page styles, and the like, and you fill in the blanks (or sometimes, generic text) with your own.

I downloaded and used one.  And now, many hours later, I have just ordered my second proof copy - the first had problems with both formatting and content -- and I know a lot more about formats.

I use OpenOffice rather than Ms Word, so the menus will be slightly different, but here are some of the things I learned to watch out for:

Page setup options as to the distance from the top and bottom and from the sides.
Whether the format is MIRRORED or not. 

Header and Footer: Do you have them? Do they have the same contents left and right?

What format follows this one? I got hung up on this because the LEFT page format had LEFT as the next format instead of the RIGHT page format. The RIGHT page format had the same problem - RIGHT was the next format instead of LEFT. This screwed up my page numbers.

Paragraph: Line spacing and distance between paragraphs.

Fonts: This one is pretty straightforward in your document, but CreateSpace wants the fonts embedded in the document. OpenOffice doesn't appear to have an option to put them in a .doc file, so I had to select "export to PDF" and check the  option to include the fonts in the PDF.

Size of your finished book:  The page formats include the page size, which will, of course, affect how much space you have for text. The CreateSpace templates will give you a guide as to how much space to leave for the margins - the INNER is the critical one, as you will need to leave enough room for the binding.

Proof Reading: There's no substitute for proof reading. Proof read for formatting, and again for content. I read through for the formatting, then again for the order of my poems, and once again for the poems' content.

My personal criteria for passing something out of a proof phase is that I read it through twice without finding any errors. Sad experience has shown me that I can overlook an error once through, but the chance I will overlook the same error on another reading is small.  Yes, this is tedious. Yes, it's saved my ass more than once.

Here are some references:

For OpenOffice:

http://www.linuxtopia.org/online_books/office_guides/openoffice_3_writer_user_guide/openoffice_writer_Book_chapter_sequence.html

http://plan-b-for-openoffice.org/ooo-help/r2.1/en-US/WIN/writer/guide/header_pagestyles


Here are some for MS Word:

http://en.allexperts.com/q/Microsoft-Word-1058/2009/6/Mirror-margins-headers.htm 

http://www.ehow.com/how_4488436_lay-out-book-manuscript-microsoft.html


I just ordered my second proof copy. The first had both formatting and content issues, ones I didn't spot using the digital proof copy.  I'll be examining this copy carefully, both for formatting and for content. For each, if I can go through it twice without finding any errors, then I'll declare it good to go.

Related articles

• APA Headers in Open Office

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• How to Make an Interior Book File for CreateSpace (AKA Formatting Your Paperback Interior Book File)

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• How to convert .doc and ODF files to clean and lean HTML

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• Report On OpenOffice

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Ethics in writing

Whether writers are writing nonfiction or fiction, they owe it to their readers to double check facts, as well as checking for any errors in consistency, punctuation, grammar, spelling, and typos.

Unless writers are giving their work away free of charge, most readers are spending their money for a product; the writer has an ethical responsibility to their reader. Writers need an EDITOR to make sure that their book is as error free as possible.

This is the reason that self-published books have a less than stellar rating. Reviewers are talking about how bad self-pubs are, also the internet. It is true that anyone can write, but not everyone is a writer. Readers hold writers to a standard ingrained by traditional publishers where they edited, and proofread as part of the publishing process.

Writers should hold themselves to this standard. Some indie authors feel there should be no rules. Whether there are or aren’t any rules is not the point, the point is that authors ethically owe their readers work that is the best in can be, edited, and proofread before the reader receives a copy.

If writers have blogs, delve into social media sites, have a web site, in all instances, they shouldn’t use internet shortcut language, they should be practicing their language and writing skills at all times.

Some authors may disagree, but there must be some basic level of ethics in all writers, that make them strive to turn out the best product for the reader. A product that has been fact checked, edited, and proofread by someone other than the author.

Why someone other than the author, simple, the author is too close to the project to be truly objective when it comes to the blue pencil.

Robert Medak

Writer, Blogger, Editor, Reviewer

http://www.authorsden.com/robertmedak

Never Throw Away a Word!

When I was very young, my grandfather brought home a huge dictionary. It was about two feet thick—the kind they put on pedestals in libraries in the old days. Everyone in the family thought he was nuts but me. I was awarded it by default, put it in the basket of my blue and white Schwinn, and pedaled it home. It was a bit unwieldy so eventually it was stowed in the rafters of a basement room. Then when I was in New York learning the ropes of publicity, my mom and dad sold the house. “Oh, no! My dictionary!” I asked them to try to retrieve it from the new owners but the story hadn’t changed much. They thought I was crazy.

So a couple years later when I went home to visit, I stopped by our old home on a whim. It took chutzpah! “Hello, I used to live here and there may be something in your basement that belongs to me—that is, if you don’t have a need for it.”

Now this was not yesterday. In those days people actually let strangers into their homes occasionally, but there was still a chance they’d consider an ax-murder possibiity. I trailed behind the new owners to the basement and there it was. It hadn’t been moved an inch but it was covered with cobwebs and dust. I was ecstatic and the new owners were either happy to let me have it or eager to get rid of me.

I still have that dictionary. It has those little thumbprint cutouts for the different letters of the alphabet and the edges of each page are gilded. It has a linen cover. It can’t really be used because it has none of the new words in it.

Ahhh, yes. But it does have four color plates of the flags of countries that existed then. There are even a few that still exist. Most of the changes have been in Africa. There are other pages that illustrate flowers and the human skeleton. Stuff like that. I mean, this is a real dictionary. So I kept it for the smell (however smudgey—that’s my own word for moldy-but-I-don’t-care-how-bad-it-stinks!), the memories, the feel of the silky thin but still substantial pages. And because I kept reading that dictionaries discarded old words to make room for the new. And, naturally, I couldn’t discard any words, right? Fiction writers can find old words valuable.

By the time computers came along, I was attached to this volume, this tome, this giant doorstop! And now the kicker!

National Geographic tells me that the words in the Oxford English Dictionary never disappear. Once a word has been very carefully vetted, it stays there. “The OED is unique,” says the new words editor of the book, “in that we never remove a word once it has been included.”

Just in case you’re interested, they add some 4,000 words of 6,000 considered each year. Including the new meaning of the word “unplugged.” It now also means the “state of living without electronic devices.”

Now wouldn’t that be awful! Almost as bad as living without my near-ancient dictionary!

PS: Can’t resist another just-added word. You know when you put your Coke bottle on a manuscript and it leaves a caramel-colored ring that can’t be erased? Rejoice. You have made a “dringle.”

PS: My articles, essays—even my rants—are available for reprint in your blog or Web site. Just let me know what article you like and I’ll supply you with an appropriate credit line with links. HoJoNews @ aol (dot) com.

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Carolyn Howard-Johnson, author of This Is the Place; Harkening: A Collection of Stories Remembered; Tracings, a chapbook of poetry; and how to books for writers including the award-winning second ediction of, The Frugal Book Promoter: How to get nearly free publicity on your own or by partnering with your publisher; The Frugal Editor: Put Your Best Book Forward to Avoid Humiliation and Ensure Success; and Great Little Last Minute Editing Tips for Writers . The Great First Impression Book Proposal is her newest booklet for writers. She has three FRUGAL books for retailers including A Retailer’s Guide to Frugal In-Store Promotions: How To Increase Profits and Spit in the Eyes of Economic Downturns with Thrifty Events and Sales Techniques. Some of her other blogs are TheNewBookReview.blogspot.com, a blog where authors can recycle their favorite reviews. She also blogs at all things editing, grammar, formatting and more at The Frugal, Smart and Tuned-In Editor . If your followers at Twitter would benefit from this blog post, please use the little Green widget to let them know about this blog.

To Splice or Not to Splice

I recently edited a manuscript that was rife with sentences combined with the word “then.” Like this one: She pulled the lever, allowing the big steel blades to catch the wind. At first nothing came then finally a small trickle of water splashed into the trough.

My red pencil itches to add a comma. It’s two separate actions. The “and” seems to be understood and to me is redundant. At first nothing came, and then finally a small trickle of water splashed into the trough. If you use “and,” do you even need “then?” But in this case, “and” just doesn’t say the same thing.

According to grammar gurus, this is called a “comma splice” and is supposedly a no-no. As one grammarian put it, “It feels so right. It flows so well. It looks so pretty. But technically, it’s as wrong as wearing wooly socks with strappy summer sandals.”

This same source reminds us of an acronym to remember what a coordinating conjunction is: FANBOYS: For-And-Nor-But-Or-Yet-So. But, she says, be careful of the words then and now; neither is a coordinating conjunction.

And regarding the use of a comma with "then," the Gregg Reference Manual states:
"When hence, then, thus, so, or yet appears at the beginning of an independent clause, the comma following is omitted unless the connective requires special emphasis or a nonessential element occurs at that point."

Examples:
Melt the butter over high heat; then add the egg.
Melt the butter over high heat; then, when the foam begins to subside, add the egg.

But, to me, it’s not so cut and dried. “The old dog awoke at the sound of his master’s voice, lifted his head then stood up, and wagged his tail.” The phrase just seems all run together. I know the sentence can be reworded to solve the problem. But, since it’s fiction, can we take a little liberty now and again, then add a comma?

What say you, fellow authors?

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A native Montanan, Heidi M. Thomas now lives in Northwest Washington. Her first novel, Cowgirl Dreams, is based on her grandmother, and the sequel, Follow the Dream, has recently won the national WILLA Award. Heidi has a degree in journalism, a certificate in fiction writing, and is a member of Northwest Independent Editors Guild. She teaches writing and edits, blogs, and is working on the next books in her “Dare to Dream” series.

Are You a Pantser?

You're a pantser if you use seat of the pants story telling, or writing without benefit of an outline. The real question is whether this is a good trait, or whether you should immediately abandon the practice.

There are two schools of thought on the issue. On one side you have Chris Baty's No Plot, No Problem. This philosophy drives the concept of Nanowrimo with it's thousands of writers working to finish a novel each November. Stephen King in On Writing suggests something similar. If you have a great idea, just start writing and see where it takes you. One could argue that much of what happens in Nanowrimo, while good for the individual isn't publishable. However, no once can argue that King isn't a great story teller.

The other side of the argument states that you're basically wasting your time if you don't structure your story and use at least a rudimentary outline. Larry Brooks in Story Engineering states that you need to structure your story in a series of plot points, basically conforming to the quarters of the story, so that you continually draw the reader forward. This is essentially the format used in screen writing.

So what's right. Recognizing that few of us can compete with Stephen King, should we outline before we write? Personally, I think a writer should use whatever method makes him or her comfortable. I can see drawbacks with either mode. If you're a pantser, you may end up rewriting to make your story conform to a plot line. On the other hand, if you plot too tight, you may miss character interactions that would make your story special.

So what's the advice? If you have a good feel for story arc (and Stephen King is apparently one of those writers.) you may do your best work by having the idea and letting your characters tell the story. If you find yourself muddled about a third of the way through the story, not sure of where to go, I'd suggest outlining and trying to fit your story to major plot points.

Whatever kind of writer you are pantser, outliner, or a combination, keep writing. You will find the mode that's most comfortable for you and find that what you write is salable.


Nancy Famolari
Website: http://sites.google.com/site/nancyfamolari/Winner's Circle available from Amazon.com